Kid, you'll move mountains

Have you ever had that moment where something just seems so perfect and so right that you wonder why you weren't so certain about this before? Well, I had that moment a few days ago and it was amazing! I am constantly thinking about what I want to do with my life and what I need to do to get there (when I say constantly I'm not using the word just for the sake of the word, but literally mean ALL THE TIME at an unhealthy level), and have gone from being a doctor, to going into the business school to study finance, realized I hated finance, went into marketing, realized I'm not really a marketing person, thought about becoming a doctor again, realized I don't like labs and diseases and such, then just counted my loses and stayed in the business because that is the most rational thing to do and heaven forbid I be anything but rational.

Then I decided to do the most rational thing I could do: put aside what everyone else is telling me to do; not think about money, titles, or prestige; and just look inside myself and pray. For some reason I always forget to do these most important of things even though they never fail. I got down to pray and ask that I just might have some direction in my life and know what would make me the happiest and what that great Being who created me wanted for me because who better to ask? During this time I thought I would be directed towards being a doctor or some sort of business person like I always thought, but I couldn't stop thinking about TEACHING. Random right? Granted I did daydream a bit about being a teacher and possibly a basketball coach and living the good life, but that was shot down by the snooty thoughts in my head as well as my mother. But man this time the thought took me over! I couldn't sleep that night thinking about teaching my own class, surrounding myself in an academic setting that I have always loved, and having a direct impact on my students and molding young minds (even if only one student per class is actually paying attention/awake). And of course who can forget the frequent breaks and getting off work around 3 pm! Sounds pretty good to me.

Ever since that night, the idea of being a teacher has really stuck with me and just seems so right. Sort of like that "Aha!" moment when you just wonder how you didn't think of it before because of course you want to be a teacher! (or whatever yours happens to be) What works out wonderfully for me is that Lehigh has a very cool 5 year education program where you graduate with a bachelor's degree in whatever subject you choose, AND a master's degree in education AND a teaching credential. So, I can continue my education in the business school and graduate with a business degree that will greatly help me get a job if needed (for money reasons or whatever comes up), while also setting me up perfectly to be a teacher! Pretty good deal huh?

So for now, that is what I am pursuing in my life. Keep in mind my mind changes just about every day, but this idea just feels a little different. Plus it has stuck for a few days which can only mean good things. I love that we learn through this crazy refining process (no matter how agonizing it can be) because each new idea we strike down or new direction we head in, we learn something new about ourselves and what we are supposed to do in life. As long as we keep an open mind and an open heart, we will find where we are supposed to be. I'd like to end with a little verse from Dr. Seuss which is so fitting for this stage of my life and when thinking about the future. Children's books sometimes have the most insightful messages...

"Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You’re off to Great Places!
You’re off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go....

You’ll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)

Kid, you’ll move mountains!
So…be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ale Van Allen O’Shea, you’re off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So…get on your way!"

You. Just You.

Walking in the middle of a street never seems to be such a good idea. Unfortunately, that’s often where I find myself: toeing the line between something and something else. Never really sure if I should go one way, or the other, and often taking the safer, more comfortable path in the middle. Sure, I have fun heading east for a time, met some new people, have some fun adventures, gain new stories to tell, and even deciding that yes, heading this direction is what’s for me. But then I try west. And west can be oh so tantalizing. Then my mind is thrown for a loop and everything I planned for and established while walking along the eastern road is gone. Not forever, but in hiding for a time. Because the western road feels so new; so fun; so tempting. It allows more freedom and room for experimenting; but possibly more pain and heartache. Just as I’m enjoying this walk west, I look over to the east and remember the good times we had. What I learned while walking that path, how I felt, and how I was simply different. Then I start to toe that middle line again. Indecision is frustrating. Frustrating and debilitating.

Then it dawned on me. What if we don’t have to pick a path to travel along or a single direction for our journey? Those paths are just the directions that other people traveled: paved by THEIR footsteps along THEIR individual journey. That doesn’t have to be my path. If I want to travel west for some time and then do a few miles east, what’s stopping me? Maybe I’ll even try north and south out, see what they’re like. I can do things my way and make it work. Not be confined by the width of a path or direction of the trail. Even if I end up crossing over thousands of times, taking two steps this way and two steps that way, ending up exactly where I started, I’d be ok with that. I would be a completely different person, understanding more about myself and why I do what I do, think the way I do, and want the things I want. Finding out the why is the key; and then finding confidence in who you are through it.

Then again, I'm just a 19 year old with little experience and little -albeit increasing- knowledge of just who I am. Man I hate that. Oh well, I'll just keep traveling west for a while with a smile on my face and an open heart and mind. Maybe I'll come across something interesting.

A place in this great big world

I am entering that phase in my life that most people my age encounter: one where I want to change the world for the better, explore this planet we live in, and find out more about myself along the way. Maybe it's because I'm young and restless. Maybe it's because I have so much future ahead of me that I feel I can afford to take chances. Maybe it's because I've been pent up for over a decade and a half in classrooms. Or maybe it's because there's a little rebel in me that wants to do something outside the norm. Whatever the case, around this age, people just want to do something. Something meaningful. Something great. Something fulfilling! There is just this burning desire to do something that is a little risky, a little neglectful, maybe even a little stupid, but something that is bound to help you find your place in the world.

Entering college one year ago, I had no idea what to do with my life. Now one year older and hopefully wiser, I would love to say I now have direction and a 5-year plan all worked out. In fact, I do not. I was initially on the path towards a medical degree with a major in Behavioral Neuroscience, took a few science and math classes that swayed my thinking (not surprisingly, honestly who wants to sit through six hours of lab every week?), transferred into the business school to pursue finance or economics last semester, toyed with getting back on the biological sciences route and being a teacher (after a rather poor grade on a finance test that crushed my hopes), and now I am thinking I will pursue marketing and management. Talk about a roller coaster. Each time I switched plans/majors/careers, I was SO sure that I was doing what I was supposed to do. Like absolutely positive. I felt such contentment and thought that sounded like such a grand idea and went to bed with a smile on my face. Then, without fail, the next morning I would have a new idea and a new direction. Talk about confusing.

Although I have enough indecision for a whole army of people, I'm optimistic about it. I am not lost. I am a wanderer. I am a seeker. I am someone who wants to find the best possible option and not settle until I do. Do I over-analyze things? Probably, but it brings me to greater clarity and insight. Sometimes I make the wrong decision and have to turn things around and go back to my other option (something that is often painful and taxing), but I learned during the process and I'm better for it.

I think I have so much indecision because I want to do something meaningful. I go through different options in my head that will lead to different scenarios where I find the most fulfillment, but all of them sound so tempting and appealing in their own way it's impossible to decide! I have that antsyness that sprouts up in people who have their whole life ahead of them, and those who don't want to risk wasting the rest of their life in something they lack passion for. There seems to be a defining characteristic with both groups: fulfillment. What am I meant to do? Where am I supposed to be? Where can I help the most?

This leads me to wonder whether we really are meant to do something. I have never been one to believe in fate in the sense that we are not in control of our lives and how we end up, but I do believe that people are destined or lead to do certain things. I like to think that in this life we are meant to search, sometimes in every corner of the world, to find what we are good at, where we can make the most impact, and where we can thrive both internally and externally. We all have been given unique God-given gifts and attributes, we just need to discover what to do with them. I do not believe fulfillment is found in one place either. Whether it be through academia, careers, social relationships, sports, hobbies, social causes, religious affiliations, family relationships, or a combination of many things it matters not, as long as whatever you pursue is entirely you. After all, it really wouldn't be your destiny if it wasn't personal.

This train of thought makes me even more ready to go out and take on the world. I want to know where I belong, what I am meant to do, and where I am needed most. I want to know my destiny. So many people have these same questions and thoughts that God knew He couldn't leave us here alone: we would all end up wandering and seeking for far too many years to do the world any good. That is why I believe special thoughts and insights are dropped along the way for us to grab and put together until we finally make a complete picture of it all. We need times when we are young or middle-aged to step away from the craziness of the world and just stop to look at ourselves and all the pieces of information we have been given. We need to get to know US better: our likes, our dislikes, our talents, our weaknesses. We often find these great pieces of insights when we are not involved in material things, but rather when we are serving others, exploring the world and the beauties of nature, or just stepping away from day-to-day life for a second to take everything in. To be in that peace and quite where we can just listen and think.

I don't know what I am going to do with my life, I don't know where I will be in five years, I don't even know what I am going to MAJOR in. Yet, I don't think of the future as a scary, daunting place, but one filled with potential and a whole lot of great experiences waiting for me. That excites me. I know that if I stay true to myself, pray for insights and opportunities, and try to do all I can to make this world a better place, I will somehow find my place in this great big world.

I Never Want to Grow Up...

In the spirit of my birthday and all, I thought I'd blog about growing up. Doesn't it kind of stink? I totally know why Peter Pan decided to stay in Neverland forever and spend his days aimlessly flying around. Don't get me wrong there are a bunch of positives, but it's kind of sad to leave your childhood. Senior year of high school was probably the best year of my life thus far and now it's all over. Hanging out with your friends every day in school, seeing people you've grown up with in class every day, feeling a deep bond with your school through sports or whatever you were involved in, hanging out on weekends and throwing parties, prom, homecoming...it was all so fun! Then all of a sudden you're thrown into college where nobody knows your name, professors and classmates rarely know who you are, it takes a while to find friends and a place where you belong and it's just not the same as high school, you move out of the house and to a foreign place where you have to live on your own and find your way...what a shocker! I mean heck, I go from having my laundry done for me and lunches packed and ready for me every morning (thanks mom) to living on my own! Although those luxuries are missed, it's really just being away from my family and friends that stinks the most. Even though I still get to go home for summers (no other breaks really-stupid basketball), it just isn't the same because I'll never get to see these people every day really in the same intimate setting. Even living in my house is a little different because I'm living out of a suitcase now. What the heck??

All of that said (I like to focus on the positives, I swear, even when I rant about negatives like that), growing up has also been pretty cool. Being independent, having to find your own way, choose who you want to be and become, picking your path in life, and gaining new experiences and friends along the way has been an amazing time. Also having new perspective on things and seeing things outside the little realm of a high schooler. The world just opens up and it's cool to experience and think about things that are bigger than yourself. The world is filled with billions of other people in places and situations that you can't even imagine, and to be selfish or think you know a lot is just foolish. I'm still working on both of those things and have a ways to go, but just recognizing that fact is a huge step in itself. Although high school is behind me and it's time for me to learn how to be an adult, I'm really excited for the ride; my whole LIFE is ahead of me! I wonder what will happen...

Tasty Possibilities

I was really trying to avoid blogging about cooking - yes, Julie Powell you are DEFINITELY to blame - but I just love food so much I couldn't resist. Lately I've been watching a lot of the Food Network/Travel Channel (I take after my dad), and I just love the shows like Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives; Man vs. Food; and Food Wars. All of these shows travel around the country to little restaurants, bakeries, or cafes that are famous for their food. Today I watched an episode that featured Voodoo Donuts owned and operated by two guys who started off with a little bit of money and a dream. Now their little shop is thriving and people love their donuts that have an absurd amount of combinations like Triple Chocolate Penetration: a chocolate cake donut dipped in chocolate frosting and sprinkled with Cocoa Puffs, or the Memphis Mafia: a huge glazed donut covered with chocolate chips, banana, and peanut butter. How cool would it be to come up with creative combinations like that with delicious ingredients??

I think it would be the coolest thing ever to open my own restaurant, and, after I make my millions with a few sound investments (a sound life plan if I do say so myself), I am going to open a restaurant and be perfectly content. That's the plan at least. Opening a restaurant is a ton of work (so I've heard), but the people who do it just seem so happy and take pride in who and what they serve. It would be so cool to become famous in the neighborhood as the "best this" or "best that." Because a bakery is on the top of my list, I've secretly been saving good recipes that I've come across the past few years, and I have quite the collection. So, you're hearing it here first folks, my future bakery is going to be famous. If I find out how to cook, find wealthy investors, a perfect location, and a big customer base. Shouldn't be too hard right?

Key to Success

(I thought this picture was clever, considering the title (:)

In the spirit of my last post and with my general excitement in picking classes, thinking about careers, and dreaming about my future, today I'm talking about reading personalities and profitable skills. Sounds boring, yes, but it isn't trust me. I was talking to one of my friends yesterday and we started talking about how you don't have to be a genius to get a ton of money in this world, you just need certain skills. If you are sociable and able to make connections with people, get a big client base or network yourself correctly, you'll go far. It's a little unfair that it works out that way, but that's the way it is unless you're a Bill Gates genius who can revolutionize the world with a new product/technology. Since I have not thought of an ingenious invention yet (my brain is searching for ideas daily though don't you worry), it looks like I need to work on my people skills. Starting off as a shy, awkward girl who slumped down at the restaurant table when a group of waiters sang happy birthday to me attracting the eyes of the entire restaurant and drawing much too much attention (honestly family did you really have to put me through that torture??), I was slightly disadvantaged but have no fear, I'm making strides! Once I realized people aren't judging me and that I should just be comfortable with me and do my thing, it all went down hill from there. Ellen Degeneres talks about this in one of her stand-up skits (which you should DEFINITELY watch because it is absolutely hilarious! Ellen Degeneres: Here and Now, check it out on YouTube) where she says that people are so busy worrying about what everyone else is thinking that they have no time to think about and judge others. Totally true.

Other skills that are important to have are financial skills. These are the most under-taught skills! I got a financial aid packet that I had to fill out the other day and I took one look at it and couldn't decipher any of the acronyms or big words that stand for various forms and other things. Are we supposed to just know these things? Thank goodness we have dads to just hand these things over to and get them back magically filled out. And I haven't even begun to think about paying taxes, starting a 401k, choosing a mortgage, paying bills...mind boggling. That's how people get into trouble financially. They don't understand these things well enough and buy things on credit thinking everything will just work itself out and make risky decisions and just ruin themselves. If you master the system though and know how it works, you can be well off without too much work. And that's why I'm going into Finance! Well, not completely, but heck money doesn't hurt now does it?

What to do, What to do

I am lost. I went to a career night today for athletes and came out of it more confused than I already was. And that was pretty confused. I know eventually I would like to own my own business - whether it be a non-profit, a bakery, a sporting good store, a restaurant, or something else - but the money to do this doesn't grow on trees (although I will gratefully accept donations) and there is no guarantee that my business will be successful. Basically, I need to raise some money first. That is why Accounting seems like a good option; I'd get a job right out of college which is a definite plus, but I've heard it's a huge yawner. FInance is another good option, and following the stock market was what first got me interested in Business, but I don't know if I want to look at stocks all day. Another dilemma I have (amazing I know that all of this is going on in my head at one time) is the fact that I have always been great at math and think quantitatively, but Marketing and other non-mathematical subjects have started to interest me a lot more the past few years. This just confuses the whole process.

All things considered, my current major choice is Economics. I figure this is definitely business-oriented, but doesn't tie me down to a particular field that doesn't really interest me like Accounting and Finance. This degree, I think, looks a little better than a Marketing degree (no offense at all to you Marketing majors, my sister included) and adds the Math/Finance aspects to it. Using it for a career such as a market researcher or a brand manager sounds appealing.

Well, I could go on, but I will stop here since I have no doubt bored you already. Any thoughts on what I should do? Major/Career advice? Even suggestions for a summer job (unrelated, but important to me nonetheless)? So many choices, three and a half years to decide! What to do, what to do...

FEED

(FEED 5 bear)

Ever since I transferred into the business school here at Lehigh, I've been thinking about what career path I'd like to take in the business world. Finance or Accounting seem like promising fields and would definitely make me a lot of money, but neither seem too appealing. What really seems interesting and fulfilling to me is starting or working for a nonprofit organization. Honestly, how cool would that be? It all started when I learned about micro-finance companies in my Asian Studies class that provide loans to individuals around the globe that want to start their own business. The example we saw was an Indian woman who had an abusive, bum of a husband, sho was very good at embroidery, not only for her own family but for friends and neighbors. She wanted to start a company to pay for her daughters' schooling and support her family since her husband obviously did not. She found out a micro-finance company that leant her a loan that allowed her to start her company. Now the business is thriving, her daughters can go to school, and her husband learned to respect her more.

If that amazing story wasn't enough, a couple months ago I learned about FEED Projects. FEED is an organization that sells FEED bags - has also expanded to selling FEED bears and other products - with all proceeds going to feed hungry children. Each bag sold feeds at least 1 child in an undeveloped nation (now they are focusing on Haiti) for a YEAR through the WFP school-feeding operations that provides children a lunch during the school day to keep kids healthy and in school. The program also provides "take-home rations" that children can bring home to their families providing an incentive for families to send children to school and also to help girls get an education where they otherwise wouldn't. My favorite project is the FEED 5 bear shown above Plumpy'nut (energy-rich paste made of peanuts, milk, powder, sugar, vegetable oil, and a fortified vitamin mixture) to 5 malnourished children in the region of East Africa. How amazing is this program? I absolutely fell in love with it and really want to get a bear or bag asap.

I learned about the program because one of the company's leaders came to Lehigh through the Entrepreneurship program. I desperately wanted to go but unfortunately had basketball. I looked up more about the company, loved it, and wanted to contact the founder to see just how you could even start a program like that. I couldn't even fathom starting a company; think of all the things you have to do! You are in charge of marketing, finance, accounting, operations...everything! I just wouldn't know where to begin. So, I went to contact the founder and then saw that it was Lauren Bush. As in the niece of former president George W. Bush. Yes, that Lauren Bush. This kind of sunk my hopes a little bit. It probably isn't too hard to start a company when your family owns most of Texas and you're sitting on a pile of cash. But, nonetheless this is one my life dreams and maybe in a few years (maybe more than a few) I will blog about my newly found company and then later it's great success. Hopefully. Where there's a will there's a way right?