Au Revoir, Adios, Goodbye

Goodbyes are the worst. I really do not like them. They are so final, absolute, and so brief. Whether it be saying goodbye to a friend, a classmate, a school, a bike, a car, a place, or whatever, I never enjoy it and never feel the goodbye gives the time spent with said person place or thing justice. Maybe this is why I have a problem throwing things away or letting go of things. Currently my dorm room has more things than I know what to do with, as I shove things into any nook or cranny I can find, and a lot of it consists of things I just can't seem to detach from. For example, I keep every movie/play/event stub that I go to because for me it holds a memory (right now I am looking at my Gershwin Theatre ticket stub from when I saw Wicked on Broadway for the first time with Kaley in January). Because I can't seem to part from these little gems, I have little pieces of trash essentially on my desk, in my wallet, or in my drawers. What am I going to do with these things? I don't know, but it's nice to look at them every once in a while and bring a memory to mind. Every time I try to clean my room and determinedly tell myself I am going to be relentless and throw anything I don't need away, I look at these little pieces of garbage or paraphernalia, give a small smile and tilt my head to the side as a memory comes to mind, and put it right back where I found it. By the end of it all, my room is no cleaner and I have no more extra space. Fail.

All of this attachment goes back to the fact that I just hate saying goodbye to anything. In less than a week I am going to move out of my dorm and go back home for the summer (!), and even though my freshman year of college had a lot of memories I'd rather forget and the dorm lifestyle is never the greatest, I'm going to miss my little dorm room of C210. After all, my dorm was alway there for me to come back to and gave me a place to cry or talk to my mom in peace and privacy, allowed me to study in the comfort of my own desk while other students had to deal with the sneezes, coughs, clicking, and chewing of other library-goers, and was my home away from home for the past nine months. Although I can hardly wait to go back to California, I'm going to miss this little dorm and it'll be tough to say goodbye. Not to mention saying goodbye to a year of college in general. This year tested me in just about every area and helped me discover emotions I didn't even know were words let alone existed inside of me. Although a lot of them were bad emotions, I learned from them and grew closer to the other freshmen here with me who are going through the same things. My fellow freshmen teammates would vent for hours about our terrible lives and how wonderful high school was, and in that time we shared laughs and memories and grew together. Sure we'll all still be together as sophomores, but it'll be a little sad to say goodbye to our freshmen year.

Whether it be saying goodbye to my childhood, high school and high school friends (talk about a tearfest right there), or even an old car, I've gone through a lot of goodbyes in my life as anyone has and they're all a little bittersweet. Sure goodbyes can indicate new beginnings and possibilities, but you're always saying adios to a little portion of your life and the things and people that you shared it with. I suppose that's what memories are for: so we can remember the times we shared and not have goodbyes be so absolute. Well, all I can do I guess is live life to the fullest and cherish every moment! That and practice my waving...

Dreams are seriously the best. There is nothing better than curling up in your bed (I could stop right there and the sentence would be true), closing your eyes, and entering into the wonderful world of your dreams. I usually have no particular path I want my dreams to take, I just hope they're interesting and that I can remember them. On average we have 4-6 dreams per night (got that from a USC website so I'd question it's legitimacy; USC is no Cal). Per night! If only I could remember each of these jewels... Although I love all dreams, flying dreams are by far my favorite. On a side note, something to know about me, if I could choose any superpower I would hands down choose to fly. First of all, I would be AMAZING at basketball because I could kind of hide it and "run" really fast down the court while really just gliding, I'd get every rebound and block every shot (just like usual (;), and maybe I could convince everyone that I can dunk just with my own mad hops. Second, I don't really want to hear other peoples thoughts, be a creepy invisible person, look at people with x-ray vision, take all the fun out of the future by being able to tell the future, I already have super strength, and why get super speed if I could have that already by flying? Third, just imagine standing on the ground and just being able to blast up into the air! Enough said. Flying is the greatest. SO, whenever I dream about flying, which is sadly a very rare occurrence, it is a GOOD night. Every time though towards the end of the dream, I start to lose my powers! It's absolutely awful and I wake up dejected and ashamed.

If flying is my favorite, my least favorite dreams are definitely those ones when you have to/want to run away from impending doom or just to start running and you just can't. You all know what I'm talking about. It's the most excruciating pain for my dreamself when she's trying to get those legs moving and they won't budge. I also have the same problem at times when I try to open my eyes in a dream, but they just won't open and I'm blind throughout the whole dream even though I still know subconsciously know what's going on. Not everyone may share that dream, but let me tell you it's just as bad as the running one. I don't even mind the dreams where you fall off something and wake up before you hit the ground because at least those are a rush. By the way, I heard from someone once (I think I know who it was, but I'll leave them out to save them the embarrassment (:) that if you actually hit the ground in your dream after you fall off of something that you die in real life. Now clearly this is foolishness. How could you prove something like that? Go question the dead man in his bed? No no.

No matter what dream I have, even those agonizing running ones, it is usually a good time and I can't wait to fall asleep every night. This is why I think alarm clocks are such devilish devices; the nerve of them to wake you up from this imaginative paradise! I suppose you have to go snap back to reality at some point, but it's nonetheless a cruel cruel little machine. To wrap up my rant on dreams, I leave you with this wonderful quote by the geniuses at Disney. Good night.

"A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep. In dreams you will lose your heartaches. Whatever you wish for, you keep. Have faith in your dreams, and someday, your rainbow will come smiling through. No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, the dreams that you wish will come true."

P.S. Do not be a fool like me and take a nap from 715-930 PM. It is currently 150 AM and I am not even remotely tired. Oh dear. "Good night!"

Nighttime Madness

What is it about night time? I feel like a different person at night. Maybe it's because I'm a teenager (last year I can say that!) and I'm just more attuned to the later hours, but I am just full of energy and ideas at night. I make plans, I'm more adventurous, I'm willing to take risks (not life threatening risks, do you know me?), and want to go out and explore the world. I go to bed thrilled with the wonderful experiences I will have the next day. But something happens when I sleep. Because when I wake up in the morning, all of my plans go away. I have no motivation to carry through with my plans or explore the world or really get out of bed in general. Last night I planned on going on a 5 mile run through the hills to enjoy the sunshine, hear the birds chirping, and bask in the peaceful morning atmosphere. What happened? I heard my alarm go off, slapped it, and woke up two hours later. Last night I planned on having a really productive day where I would take the initiative and go out searching for jobs by going into different places and talking to the owners to see if they had any positions open. What happened the next day? I watched an hour of Sportscenter, laid on the floor watching a show about making over a home, chased my dog around the house, and wasted time surfing the internet until mid-afternoon. Last night I was super excited about going to a camp and was imagining how sociable and outgoing I'd be. That happened right? Wrong. I had to will myself out of bed and couldn't find anything to say at the early hour (Disclosure: I am very sociable once you get to know me and not a hermit by any means, but when I'm tired, hungry, or disgruntled and you're a stranger, be weary (:).

If I had the same mindset I have at night all the time, I would change the world. Let me tell you it would be awesome. I would be so much more productive, creative, and all around better. I'm getting better at spreading the wealth throughout the whole day rather than just at night, but it is definitely an effort. Maybe I should just take advantage of my increased brainpower at night time. As Catherine O'Hara said: "Night time is really the best time to work. All the ideas are there to be yours because everyone else is asleep." Well said, Ms. O'Hara, well said.

Today I turn 19 years old! Very cool I know; it sounds so much older than 18 (so much younger than 20 though!). I had an amazing day filled with presents (thank you mom, dad and sister), exercise, meals with wonderful people, and a hilarious play; all of my favorite things and a wonderful day! Low-key birthdays with fun people are always amazing. So, thank you everyone for making today great!

Although I love birthdays, there are some things that maybe aren't the best. One thing is being sung happy birthday to. Does anyone actually like this tradition? For me, I never know really what to do: do I smile, do I laugh, do I look at everyone? It's just an uncomfortable time for the person who is supposed to enjoy the act. Next is opening presents in front of others. Another uncomfortable thing for me, the birthday girl. I usually love the presents and even if I didn't necessarily want/need them, I love the thought just as much, but my reactions never give my emotions justice and I just feel like my present givers are cheated. I promise everyone though, I love your present and the thought and just don't squeal and jump like others do. Just not my personality. Other things that aren't too kind to birthday boys or girls: punches for however many years you are turning, throwing birthday parties (for the younger generations, but nonetheless an event where you must spend tons of money to entertain people on YOUR birthday), turning another year older (bad for most people but luckily not too bad for my age group), and others. Thankfully I have been treated to wonderful birthdays by my loved ones and usually get spoiled, pampered, and made to feel like a queen, but for other unlucky souls it may be different. So, spare birthday boys and girls and give them a break on their one day of the year. They might return the favor when you're birthday rolls around.

Personality

Personalities have really interested me lately. Being a typical college student who is trying to find her way in life, solidify her interests, and choose what she wants to do with her life (why do we have to make so many decisions while we're so young??), I love hearing about personality tests that will help me find my way and make decisions for me. Maybe not the best way to go, but hey why not? For my Business Ethics class, our professor had us all take a personality test on the first day of class and I loved it. It was based on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) found here. It gives everyone an acronym that stands for their personality type, I am a ISTJ personality, and you can type those letters into Google and it will give you a long description about your personality and it is DEAD on. I found out so much about myself just by seeing my personality laid out in front of me and it was awesome. The test also tells you what things your personality type needs to improve upon and what you're good at and should exploit. What is probably the coolest thing about the test, especially for someone my age and why my professor had us take it, is that it tells you what career paths you will be most happy in. My professor is a big shot business guy who has a million jobs one of which is leading people to their ideal jobs. The first thing he always does is have them take a personality test because some people are just not meant to be in certain jobs even if their skills say otherwise. The test is just really beneficial and I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to learn more about themselves.

If people are comfortable with themselves and know who they are and like where they are, they can truly feel self-fulfillment. This is one of the lessons my professor taught me and I've really taken it to heart. I've always been good at math, but I don't think doing math all day would be a good environment for me even if I could make a lot of money doing it. Money is definitely important, but not the most important thing and what you want to do is find a balance between a good salary and happiness in your work. It is very rare that you will wake up in the morning and say "Yea, I get to go to work today!" (as my dad always reminds me), but you should not be miserable and so it is important to find a place where you belong. Finding out more about your personality just may be the key to that.

P.S. I believe you have to pay for the other test that I linked to, so here's another one that I haven't tried personally but that also uses the Myers-Briggs model and might be helpful. http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

Housing Mayhem

The Lehigh housing lottery is a mess. A drama-filled, hectic, political mess. Not that it has to be, but we all make it one (or at least I do in my own head). What happens is Lehigh assigns us all random numbers, which came out this morning, and you can either pick quad/apartment-style housing or regular dorm housing. Then we all go into a large lecture hall and the housing people start calling the numbers in order, and like a big BINGO game, we watch as people choose a room and cross it off on our little diagrams of the buildings. It is going to be a madhouse. Obviously most people want quad style housing and you have no hope of getting one unless you have a number lower than about 100. If you are one of the lucky few with such a low number, you can pick a quad and bring your three friends into it and live happily ever after. However, if you are not one of the lucky few, you get stuck in traditional dorm housing. How did I do you ask? I got number 564. There are only 648 possible numbers. I am THAT lucky. Unfortunately all of the athletes that I know also got bad numbers and will be in my same boat so I can't really cling on to them. We have all pretty much decided on the fact that we are going to live in a floor on Drinker (a terrible name for a college dorm I know) and whoever is lucky enough to get a single we will all hate and shun for a little bit but then get over it.

So now that leaves the question, who to room with? Everyone I asked is so vague about the whole process which leads me to one of my biggest pet peeves. I hate to harp on negative things and think it brings only more negative things, but since I brought it up I must continue. I am a planner. I like to get things settled right away and see them through. I am also a very trusting person, so when someone tells me they are going to do something I think they are going to do it. Unfortunately not everyone is a planner. I have found this out the hard way many times, and the housing process is yet another example. I've been asking around seeing what everyone wants to do and no one will give me straight answers or get my hopes up and say that they want to do a certain thing but then change their minds like nothing happened. It gets a little frustrating. Fortunately, their are good people in the world like one of my basketball teammates who said if she doesn't get a single (we've all come to an agreement that anyone who can get a single should take it by all means. We all understand. We'd all do it), she will pull me in as her roommate in Drinker. It was so nice of her and she was upfront about it and I definitely appreciated it. Since everything depends on what everyone else picks, there are going to be a lot of spur of the moment decisions, so I'm just going to stop worrying about it and hope for the best. Very hard to do for a planner...