Doesn't get much better than this

My teammates are freaking awesome. I have never met such amazing ladies and I have never had so much fun. It just blows my mind. We are the most random assortment of people that somehow just mesh together as if we were each meant to be on this very team at this very time. It is so crazy to me how things work out this way! We all enter the team as different people - all with different backgrounds, experiences, beliefs, and ways of doing things - but as time goes on, we actually mold together . At some point during our tenure here we let down our barriers and expose ourselves to the system and experience that is Lehigh basketball. This is where change, growth, and chemistry are born. We each bring all of our past experiences and personalities to the table, and take part in a huge game of exchanging and dealing all of our unique cards between each other. When the game is over, we leave with a new hand that is better than the first for the simple fact that it contains a little piece of everyone. Now when the time comes for us all to go our separate ways, we will have a small portion of each other to carry along wherever we go. The special bonds we formed along the way will not erase, nor can they, because we have etched them into each and every one of us. I love this!

I am so lucky to share a small chunk of time with these wonderful ladies and be able to realize early in my too-short career that this is something I should savor every minute of. Each year we have to say goodbye to a few key pieces of our group, and the time we shared with them becomes just a memory. BUT the cool thing about memories is that they last. I will always remember the times we laughed until it hurt, the times we cried and thought that things would never get better, the times we partied because we were champions and that's what champions do, the times our bodies hurt so bad that it just wasn't worth it to get out of bed, and all the times we spent hugging, smiling, and just enjoying each other. This snapshot of my life will live with me forever because it changed me forever. I've learned to be more optimistic, more compassionate, more outgoing, more loving, less selfish, and a whole lot more fun because that is exactly what the women around me were like.

This is why I'm so grateful I stuck it out through the tears and sorrow that is freshman year. I think that was a necessary initiation to see if I deserved the blessings I was about to receive. They are just too special to give to anyone, and for some amazing reason my feet stayed glued to the ground until I was able to see just how fortunate I was to share a space of time with these 15 other people. I cannot WAIT to see where these next two years take me (and the rest of this one!) and let me tell you I am excited. I only hope that I can be just as great to these lovely ladies as they have been to me, and maybe, just maybe, help them to feel even a portion of the love I feel for them.

This truly is a beautiful experience we all get to go through, an experience that is neither perfect or easy, but one that can lead to amazing amazing things. As my wonderful teammate Kristen Dalton put it:

There is no mathematical way to go about this. There is no conclusion to draw here. There is no formula that guarantees good friendships. There is only the coming back to, where our lines overlap and intersect and move harmoniously across our days. We can call this a rhythm. Or we can call it a blessing, the great friendships of this adventure.

Love actually is all around

What is love? This has been the pressing question on one of my teammate's mind recently and a question that I wanted to find an answer to. Although I have never experienced love in a relationship before (sigh), I have indeed felt its presence in many forms. And because, as a human, I have the capacity to love another in the highest form, I think that also gives me the ability to imagine it and the right to write about it. Also, after watching Jane Austen's Sense and Sensibility and still finding myself trapped in 17th century England with British accents lingering in my head, it only seems fitting.

Love is the most mysterious of things because it doesn't seem controllable; it is something that springs up out of the corners of our hearts and soon takes over our entire body in a much too short amount of time. Is this meant to happen? Are we perhaps being told by some greater force that we are to love a certain person even if there is no rational reason for doing so? This idea troubles me for the simple fact that sometimes love is anything but the positive emotion contained within its definition. Sometimes (a lot of the time), love is hard. Love can hurt. Love can bruise. Love can torment. Why?? Why is the deepest emotion contained within the human heart allowed to hurt and uplift all at the same time? I just can't fathom how this can possibly be the case or how this is at all fair.

Then it dawned on me. Love can surely hurt and sting, but it might still be able to keep its good name. I started reading My Spiritual Journey, a semi autobiography on the current Dalai Lama (it was an amazing experience and a wonderful life decision by the way, one I will have to elaborate on in another day) and learned about love in its simplest, purest form. One main point the Dalai Lama made was that in life the most important lessons we learn and our greatest stages of growth are often found in times of hardships. Our friends - if they are indeed true friends - surely do not provide us hardships and therefore can not be counted on to help us in this area. But our enemies, they do a WONDERFUL job of testing us, hurting us, and throwing curveballs our way; and for this, we should love them. They are the ones who make us question who we are, what we stand for, and what we want to become. They are the ones who give us the greatest opportunities for growth, and we should not show any anger or hostility towards them, but rather love them all the more for this.

If this is indeed the case, that we grow the most from hardships and trying situations, well maybe then that is why love is sometimes hard, a struggle even. It would only make sense that the deepest emotion found within human hearts, an emotion that can take us to the highest of highs and the lowest of loves, would have the greatest potential to help us change for the better. When we are forced to wander through the deep valleys of a lost, unfound, or unrequited love, we walk a path that leads to personal insights and a deeper connection with the pure human being inside of us all. The human being that in its most basic form yearns for happiness. When we get to this most basic state, we feel a greater connection with ourselves, and the people around us who are all looking for the same thing. This in turn harvests a deeper love for those around us or the sole person who walked the path beside us.

Love, then, is one great eternal round. Something that goes through cycles of good and bad in a resounding rhythm that keeps the world spinning. Something that has the ability to bring the best out of anyone it touches and inspire them to do more for those around them. Something that enhances every other emotion and cuts to the very core of the human heart. Love is something that we should all look to find and harvest in our own lives for it is indeed the beginning and the end of human existence. Love is the fuel of life.

Thank you life

In the spirit of Thanksgiving and general gratitude for this amazing month of November, I decided to jot down a few of the things I am grateful for. There are so many things that go unnoticed or that just don't come to mind at this particular point in time, but I feel this list will do. I'm going to follow in Jimmy Fallon's footsteps and write thank you cards to the things I am grateful for...

Thank you, cozy bed, for being so cozy right now and keeping me warm every night.

Thank you, right achilles, for not hurting me like your sister, the left achilles, or I might have to cut you both off and start anew.

Thank you, Mom and Dad, for putting up with my "rebelliousness" and loving/supporting me through thick and thin. I love you.

Thank you, Kendal, for helping me cultivate my love for Harry Potter, Nsync, Taylor Swift, the Giants, and for laughing. You helped raise me and you were always there when I needed you to help or just have fun with. I love you.

Thank you, Kaley, for being the best friend in the whole world and knowing me better than I know myself. I know I can tell you anything and you will still love me. Thank you for helping me be better and always making me smile. I love you.

Thank you, San Francisco Giants, for being freaking awesome and becoming champions of the world. Thattababe.

Thank you, LUWB, for making my college experience amazing, helping me loosen up, and have more fun than imaginable. You are my sisters and I love you.

Thank you, metablolism, for metabolizing all the junk I eat every day - including the four desserts I had last night. Without you I would be 500 pounds.

Thank you, brownies, for being so darn delectable day in and day out. Your consistency is mouthwatering.

Aright, enough of the thank you notes, and on with the last thank yous. I am thankful for this wonderful life that I have been given. I am learning more and more every day and I am very grateful for the thoughtfulness I have been given to think and ponder about every detail of life (even to a potentially unhealthy degree) because it has allowed me to learn more about the things around me and about myself. I am thankful that life can change so quickly. One blessing/opportunity can change everything; if you keep your faith and optimism, things WILL work out and life WILL be good. God is always there for you and has a plan for you to fulfill. These are two great things I am grateful for.

So, on this Thanksgiving, just try to reflect on all you have and all the happy things in your life. If this doesn't work, just think of me, and the fact that I will be 3000 miles from home playing the two-time defending national champion UConn Huskies. Yeah, your Thanksgiving is better. No, but in all seriousness I am very grateful for the 15 other girls and coaches I have to spend my Thanksgiving with because they truly are my second family. Happy Thanksgiving!

to act but not to be

How lonely the road is
That leads to somewhere you have never been.
Winding its way further into a mysterious Place,
A Place that begins and ends with one Face.

A Face that captivates. It mystifies.
Drawing the sight of unsuspecting eyes.
It seems so present, so tauntingly alive.
If only you could just let it be. Let it die.

But the image is burned in the back of your mind
No matter if it is something you should not try to find.
Heartache, emptiness, and shame
Must be the results of walking such a way.

So, naturally, you must continue on,
Trying to sing yourself a happier song.
Thoughtlessly you continue down the road
As it leads you farther and farther from home.

It is the Fireworks along the way
That keep your feet from turning astray.
Unrecognized and unsuspected
You go along without being detected.

There is a thought of being found
If only from your silent footprints on the ground.
It is a shame there is no real guarantee
In searching to act but not to be.

You. Just You.

Walking in the middle of a street never seems to be such a good idea. Unfortunately, that’s often where I find myself: toeing the line between something and something else. Never really sure if I should go one way, or the other, and often taking the safer, more comfortable path in the middle. Sure, I have fun heading east for a time, met some new people, have some fun adventures, gain new stories to tell, and even deciding that yes, heading this direction is what’s for me. But then I try west. And west can be oh so tantalizing. Then my mind is thrown for a loop and everything I planned for and established while walking along the eastern road is gone. Not forever, but in hiding for a time. Because the western road feels so new; so fun; so tempting. It allows more freedom and room for experimenting; but possibly more pain and heartache. Just as I’m enjoying this walk west, I look over to the east and remember the good times we had. What I learned while walking that path, how I felt, and how I was simply different. Then I start to toe that middle line again. Indecision is frustrating. Frustrating and debilitating.

Then it dawned on me. What if we don’t have to pick a path to travel along or a single direction for our journey? Those paths are just the directions that other people traveled: paved by THEIR footsteps along THEIR individual journey. That doesn’t have to be my path. If I want to travel west for some time and then do a few miles east, what’s stopping me? Maybe I’ll even try north and south out, see what they’re like. I can do things my way and make it work. Not be confined by the width of a path or direction of the trail. Even if I end up crossing over thousands of times, taking two steps this way and two steps that way, ending up exactly where I started, I’d be ok with that. I would be a completely different person, understanding more about myself and why I do what I do, think the way I do, and want the things I want. Finding out the why is the key; and then finding confidence in who you are through it.

Then again, I'm just a 19 year old with little experience and little -albeit increasing- knowledge of just who I am. Man I hate that. Oh well, I'll just keep traveling west for a while with a smile on my face and an open heart and mind. Maybe I'll come across something interesting.

Bigger and better things

In relation to my last post and my mentality towards my injury, here is a wonderful idea by C.S. Lewis who is such an amazing writer and person. Please enjoy and ponder:

Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of — throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.

Woe is me? Oh, no please!

Injuries are tricky business. Just when you think everything is going right, you're feeling great, playing really well at practice, finally looking like you know how to play basketball (ok, this might be just specific to me), and then, all of a sudden, you can't anymore. Why? Because of a tiny tendon in your body that sends a stabbing pain up your leg with every step and prevents you from running, cutting, or jumping; things that are sometimes necessary in basketball. This is what happened to me a few days ago when I hurt my Achilles tendon during practice after a stint with Achilles tendinitis that just decided to turn from a minor stiffness to a debilitating injury. I should mention that we are at the point in the season where we are all fighting for playing time and competing to make each other better and set the foundation for our team. Perfect timing, huh?

The thing I have come to learn though, is you have to take things like this in stride and trust that you will be just fine. Perhaps it was even meant to happen. As many times as I have said "Woe is me" and sulked about a poor situation I was in, it never got any better and 99% of the time, I realized I wasn't in such a bad state at all, often seeing the benefits of my "poor" situation. God works in mysterious ways and requires that you put your faith in Him and know that He will lead you in the right direction (whether you know it or not). This does not get you off the hook though to merely have faith. As a close friend always says, you have to pray as though you sincerely believe the Lord will help you and act and live as though it is all up to you. In other words, I have to do my part to heal, stay positive, and strengthen myself, and God will do the rest. Sounds like a pretty fair deal to me.

So although I must currently gimp around in a truly attractive walking boot to nurse my crippled Achilles tendon, I haven't given up. I haven't quit. There's so much time still to prove myself and get better! Heck, maybe I'll even see that this was for the better. So, chin up, confidence high, and eyes facing the future. Besides, it's kind of cool that I have to deal with the same injury as a Greek God and War hero. I can live with that.