I am entering that phase in my life that most people my age encounter: one where I want to change the world for the better, explore this planet we live in, and find out more about myself along the way. Maybe it's because I'm young and restless. Maybe it's because I have so much future ahead of me that I feel I can afford to take chances. Maybe it's because I've been pent up for over a decade and a half in classrooms. Or maybe it's because there's a little rebel in me that wants to do something outside the norm. Whatever the case, around this age, people just want to do something. Something meaningful. Something great. Something fulfilling! There is just this burning desire to do something that is a little risky, a little neglectful, maybe even a little stupid, but something that is bound to help you find your place in the world.
Entering college one year ago, I had no idea what to do with my life. Now one year older and hopefully wiser, I would love to say I now have direction and a 5-year plan all worked out. In fact, I do not. I was initially on the path towards a medical degree with a major in Behavioral Neuroscience, took a few science and math classes that swayed my thinking (not surprisingly, honestly who wants to sit through six hours of lab every week?), transferred into the business school to pursue finance or economics last semester, toyed with getting back on the biological sciences route and being a teacher (after a rather poor grade on a finance test that crushed my hopes), and now I am thinking I will pursue marketing and management. Talk about a roller coaster. Each time I switched plans/majors/careers, I was SO sure that I was doing what I was supposed to do. Like absolutely positive. I felt such contentment and thought that sounded like such a grand idea and went to bed with a smile on my face. Then, without fail, the next morning I would have a new idea and a new direction. Talk about confusing.
Although I have enough indecision for a whole army of people, I'm optimistic about it. I am not lost. I am a wanderer. I am a seeker. I am someone who wants to find the best possible option and not settle until I do. Do I over-analyze things? Probably, but it brings me to greater clarity and insight. Sometimes I make the wrong decision and have to turn things around and go back to my other option (something that is often painful and taxing), but I learned during the process and I'm better for it.
I think I have so much indecision because I want to do something meaningful. I go through different options in my head that will lead to different scenarios where I find the most fulfillment, but all of them sound so tempting and appealing in their own way it's impossible to decide! I have that antsyness that sprouts up in people who have their whole life ahead of them, and those who don't want to risk wasting the rest of their life in something they lack passion for. There seems to be a defining characteristic with both groups: fulfillment. What am I meant to do? Where am I supposed to be? Where can I help the most?
This leads me to wonder whether we really are meant to do something. I have never been one to believe in fate in the sense that we are not in control of our lives and how we end up, but I do believe that people are destined or lead to do certain things. I like to think that in this life we are meant to search, sometimes in every corner of the world, to find what we are good at, where we can make the most impact, and where we can thrive both internally and externally. We all have been given unique God-given gifts and attributes, we just need to discover what to do with them. I do not believe fulfillment is found in one place either. Whether it be through academia, careers, social relationships, sports, hobbies, social causes, religious affiliations, family relationships, or a combination of many things it matters not, as long as whatever you pursue is entirely you. After all, it really wouldn't be your destiny if it wasn't personal.
This train of thought makes me even more ready to go out and take on the world. I want to know where I belong, what I am meant to do, and where I am needed most. I want to know my destiny. So many people have these same questions and thoughts that God knew He couldn't leave us here alone: we would all end up wandering and seeking for far too many years to do the world any good. That is why I believe special thoughts and insights are dropped along the way for us to grab and put together until we finally make a complete picture of it all. We need times when we are young or middle-aged to step away from the craziness of the world and just stop to look at ourselves and all the pieces of information we have been given. We need to get to know US better: our likes, our dislikes, our talents, our weaknesses. We often find these great pieces of insights when we are not involved in material things, but rather when we are serving others, exploring the world and the beauties of nature, or just stepping away from day-to-day life for a second to take everything in. To be in that peace and quite where we can just listen and think.
I don't know what I am going to do with my life, I don't know where I will be in five years, I don't even know what I am going to MAJOR in. Yet, I don't think of the future as a scary, daunting place, but one filled with potential and a whole lot of great experiences waiting for me. That excites me. I know that if I stay true to myself, pray for insights and opportunities, and try to do all I can to make this world a better place, I will somehow find my place in this great big world.
