Walking in the middle of a street never seems to be such a good idea. Unfortunately, that’s often where I find myself: toeing the line between something and something else. Never really sure if I should go one way, or the other, and often taking the safer, more comfortable path in the middle. Sure, I have fun heading east for a time, met some new people, have some fun adventures, gain new stories to tell, and even deciding that yes, heading this direction is what’s for me. But then I try west. And west can be oh so tantalizing. Then my mind is thrown for a loop and everything I planned for and established while walking along the eastern road is gone. Not forever, but in hiding for a time. Because the western road feels so new; so fun; so tempting. It allows more freedom and room for experimenting; but possibly more pain and heartache. Just as I’m enjoying this walk west, I look over to the east and remember the good times we had. What I learned while walking that path, how I felt, and how I was simply different. Then I start to toe that middle line again. Indecision is frustrating. Frustrating and debilitating.
Then it dawned on me. What if we don’t have to pick a path to travel along or a single direction for our journey? Those paths are just the directions that other people traveled: paved by THEIR footsteps along THEIR individual journey. That doesn’t have to be my path. If I want to travel west for some time and then do a few miles east, what’s stopping me? Maybe I’ll even try north and south out, see what they’re like. I can do things my way and make it work. Not be confined by the width of a path or direction of the trail. Even if I end up crossing over thousands of times, taking two steps this way and two steps that way, ending up exactly where I started, I’d be ok with that. I would be a completely different person, understanding more about myself and why I do what I do, think the way I do, and want the things I want. Finding out the why is the key; and then finding confidence in who you are through it.
Then again, I'm just a 19 year old with little experience and little -albeit increasing- knowledge of just who I am. Man I hate that. Oh well, I'll just keep traveling west for a while with a smile on my face and an open heart and mind. Maybe I'll come across something interesting.
